i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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