Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
