So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
