When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
