he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
