the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize