i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
