I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?