We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.