areolas are like halos for boobs.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
