We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night