Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.