we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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