Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
