Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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