I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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