You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
