That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
did i walk over a car last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
