No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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