I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
