i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
