Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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