Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
