I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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