there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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