Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
