I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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