just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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