i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
