i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
