I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
