I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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