remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
