East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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