My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
apparently the secret to your success is patron
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
