Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
