I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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