Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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