she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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