Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
