he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
