Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
