Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
