Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
