I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
