That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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