It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
