party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
