i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize