I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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