i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
