We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
