Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
