so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
