Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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