It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
