the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
