My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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