Apparently you make a good broom.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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