Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
