I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
