help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
