I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
