there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
