woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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