ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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