I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
