Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
