just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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