What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
