I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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