I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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