Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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