no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
