there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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