Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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