My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
