I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
