i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
