I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
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It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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