You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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