end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
