Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Found your dick twin last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
